Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Outside Forces Do Not Have All The Power Over Your Life

As Black women many of us have experienced many bad breaks in our lives. Rape, molestation, victimization, poverty, dysfunctional families, absent fathers, absent husbands/fathers of our children in addition to racism and sexism in our society. But even these outside forces do not have the power over our lives that we believe.

Yesterday, I was reading an article about poverty or more specifically welfare at Mother Jones. It featured several Black women with their children suffering because they are impoverished with little or no support from the fathers of their children. These women suffered the daily humiliation of being poor and their children also suffered. The article portrayed these women as being adrift in a sea of outside forces that they had no power to overcome without the help of benevolent whites, wealthy, middle-class or "ordinary" people to help set the system right to help these helpless women "overcome." But what the article didn't mention was how these women actually have the power to change their circumstance and conditions by making the choices that will bring about a change they desire. When I read articles like this I think they are dis-empowering to the women who are suffering under horrible conditions. These women have the power to change their lives despite their circumstances and despite any hardships they faced in the past.

The first choice they must make is to "take back the power" over their lives. What this looks like: When you take power over your life, it means you decide that you have power over your life despite your circumstances. It means that you make hard choices about what you will do to change your life in the way you desire.

I remember when I was living in Los Angeles I met an extraordinary man who had cerebral palsy. This man was definitely dealt a bad hand by genetics; but he didn't let that stop him. He worked as an Elvis impersonator, had his own apartment and had a girlfriend. Despite his clear disability he made choices that were within his power to change his life for the better. He took power over his life.

How Even Impoverished Women Have Power

1. Women in poverty can choose to only have children they can afford and only within a stable marriage. Yes, I know this may not be fair; but being a single woman with a child almost gaurantees that you and your children will live in poverty. Our society is not setup to support poor women and children, it's not nice; but it's true. If you are a black woman living in poverty, make reproductive choices that won't sink you deeper into poverty.

2. Stop having sex with and/or marrying and having children with impoverished men. The economic level of the man you choose to mate with will determine the economic level of you and your children. Think about it, if a man living in a patriachial soceity cannot financially support himself how will he support you and/or your child.

3. Advance your education beyond high school to at least a bachelor's degree. This will make a huge difference in your financial power. You just don't know how many doors have opened for me simply because I have a college degree. Having a college degree can change your financial life. But no matter what you do NEVER, EVER, NEVER drop out of high school.

4. If you have already made bad choices and we all have, now is the time to correct course. There is a saying I heard someplace (i don't remember where) "God Allows U-Turns" If you are going down the wrong path and you know you are going down the wrong path stop immediately and change course. It is never too late to take power over your life.

How To Change Course

If you dropped out of high school: stop right now and go back to high school or get a GED, do not allow yourself to move forward one more minute without a high school education.

If you have children with no support from the father: take time right now to secure child support payments from him (if he's employed) immediately. Many black women refuse (ya'll know it's the truth) to force black men to financially support their child because they don't want to bring "the white man down on a brother." Please stop concerning yourself with these men who are abusing your children. And they are abusing them if they refuse to financially and emotionally support them. You have a responsiblity to secure the best resources for your children, so do your job by forcing these men to financially support children they created.

If you are surrounded by losers/whiners/leeches: Cut them off! Your environment is a great indicator of where you will be in the future. Only associate with winners at all times. Do not allow others to utilize your resources (mental, physical, financial etc.) and give you nothing of equal value in return. Ya'll know you are surrounded by these types of people and you know you need to CUT THEM OFF.

I created this blog because I have made great changes in my life and wanted to share with others some of the lessons I've learned along the way. I grew up poor with many disadvantages from BIRTH; but was still able to breakaway. The most important lesson that I have learned is that I have ALL POWER over my life and so do you. I have also learned that there are some ways of living that will almost gaurantee that an individual will experience some measure of success in her life.

© copyright 2008 - 2009 -- This content is protected by copyright laws. Please do not copy and paste these articles on other blogs. Linking back to the article is fine.

No comments: