Sorry for the long delay between posts. I will attempt to keep this blog up-to-date; but I'm so busy, I've had to let some things go. This blog will now be updated once a month.
Today I want to talk about the mental well-being of individual black women. As black women we are often under psychological assault--negative media images, music that degrades our humanity and street harassment are pervasive in the lives of many black women. That is why it is imperative that black women care for their mental well-being the same way we care for things like our hairstyle (you know it's the truth), name-brand clothing, fancy cars and high-powered careers. Because if we allow our mental well-being, self-esteem and self-respect to be affected by the negative inputs of this society we won't live very long nor will we live very happy lives. Here's what you need to do:
1. Know that you are valuable just as you are right now. Every human being born into this world has value, that includes YOU. There are people in this world who want to convince you as a black woman that you are inherently inferior. This is a lie. This myth is being used to degrade you and make you vulnerable to exploitation. That includes financial exploitation, emotional exploitation and sexual exploitation.
2. Remember where you are... Thank you Khadija (http://www.muslimbushido.blogspot.com/) for reminding black women of this reality in your Emmett Till post. We still live in a society that does not fully value people of African descent. Those people devaluing Africaness (is that a word?) aren't just white, they are also black and people of other ethnicities. This fact should help you put things into perspective when others attempt to place you in the "lower value" category. As I write this down, I get the feeling I need to break it down so that there is no misunderstanding.
Many of us (black women) are walking around feeling bad about ourselves. I remember some years ago meeting another very accomplished black woman who was a nurse who was feeling bad about herself. She told me that she was allowing a no good unemployed man to live off her, live in her house and impregnate her with his child because she felt she was just a black woman and couldn't find better and needed to settle. She is not an anomaly. This is more common than most of us will admit. She told me that a black man "with a job" wouldn't look at her because she was just an "ordinary black woman" (her words not mine) and that all the "gorgeous light/white/hispanic/asian women" were the ones desired by the "good" black men. She was pregnant with the loser boyfriend's second child and was working long hours to support herself, her child, her boyfriend and her pregnancy. Sad. This post is not about dating, Evia at http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/ handles the whole dating thing better than I ever could. This post is about mental well-being. You see, when you don't feel good about yourself, you end up doing things that harm you and your children if you have any. She was wore down and AGED because of her circumstances. And she was in those circumstances because she didn't have a healthy state of mind. She had taken all the negative statements about black women (not beautiful, not valuable, not desirable etc.) and internalized them. Instead of recognizing these messages as racist propaganda, she internalized them as facts. We must guard against this internalization of racist/sexist beliefs about ourselves, or else we will never have good mental well being.
3. Recognize that we live in a patriarchial society. In other words, this world is run by men and for the benefit of men. In this world women are judged and valued by their sexual appeal to men. I feel the need to point this out because I think many of us focus almost exclusively on racism and never recognize that we are also often subjected to sexism. You must be aware of this fact in order to, once again, gain perspective. The young lady that I mentioned before was probably subjected to racial/sexist propaganda by black men and women and because it was coming from people who looked like her, she failed to recognize it as propaganda. Instead, she said "Well, they're black like me, so it can't be racism/propaganda/lies. It must be true." We must recognize that our society is sick with many "-isms" and if we're are not careful we will become infected too. You must remember, that you are valuable regardless of what others think, including men and other black people.
4. Make a list of what makes you fabulous. Write down all of the things that you like about yourself. Include physical traits, character traits, skills etc. List it all. I did it and I can tell you that it makes all the difference in the world when the sick elements in our socieity are weighing down on me.
Here are some of the items from my list:
Physical:
Beautiful Eyes
Pretty Smile
Beautiful Lips
Non-Physical
Great Conversationalist
Generous
Unique
Genuine
Creative
Passionate
Health Conscious (sometimes ;-) )
Sometimes, if I'm having a bad day or if some ass-hole has tried to poop on me, I pull out my list and remind myself, just how fabulous I am. Every black woman should have a list, imho.
5. Surround yourself with people who affirm you and avoid those who attempt to tear you down. We need to murder and bury that old FALSE saying, "keep your friends close; but your enemies closer." I can guarantee you that you're enemy probably wrote that stupid saying. Keep your enemies FAR AWAY from you where they can do no damage. Only associate with people who compliment you and sing your freaking praises. If you are surrounded by people tearing you down, you will eventually begin to believe what they say about you. Don't subject yourself to unnecessary mental abuse, avoid those assholes. This is not to say you should surround yourself with "yes-men/women" but they should be people who have something nice to say about you. Be very leery of people who never give a compliment; but are full of criticism.
6. Read uplifting, positive literature, self-help books etc. I know that right now everyone is on the negative side of thinking. But I think you should ignore them and check out some of these books:
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
Think and Grow Rich A Black Choice by Dennis Kimbro
Don't Sweat The Small Stuff by Richard Carlson
Why Your Life Sucks And What You Can Do About It by Alan H. Cohen
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Sunday, June 7, 2009
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